You've got to {Have Faith}

Life is hard.  Who's with me?! 

  As a faithful woman, I believe in prayer.  Some of the things I pray for include:   good health peace comfort prosperity understanding hope specific individuals patience acceptance rain a good night's sleep motivation   Seriously, the list goes on and on.  

God never promised that we would live a life without struggle and hardship. It's going to happen. God told us it's going to happen; not 'if', but 'when'. And when it does, that's when our faith is tested the most! 

So many difficult and tragic things happen that cause us to doubt God's existence and whether or not His way is the right way. Click here for a list of a few of the tragedies since 1995 that have shocked our nation to the core. 

Faith is not questioned only on the large-scale issues, but in everyday life as well. "Why is my loved one facing such financial ruin?" "Why is my mother so sick?" "Why is there not enough food to go around for everyone?" "Why does cancer even exist?" "Why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Why does God allow tragedy and suffering?

The answer is simple: "I do not know." 

I cannot stand in God's shoes with His mind.  He knows all things; we don't.  But it is written,

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

When you ask about specific events and want to know why a particular thing happened, we don't get the full answer in this world.  Someday, we'll see with clarify, but for now things are foggy. We have a finite perspective of everything, and we simply cannot understand it all. 

To those going through a difficult time, whether it be the effects of a mass casualty situation, the loss of a loved one by cancer, financial hardship, or poverty, they desperately need the real and comforting presence of Jesus Christ in their lives so that they may know peace. 

It's very well known that when you pray for something, the way you perceive and ask of it is not necessarily how it will happen.  God has a plan for everything and everyone.  You've got to have faith that when it's time, it'll happen. It's so easy to get frustrated and caught up in your own wants and needs - I'm guilty of this all too often.  I just take a deep breath and remind myself that it's all in His hands, and I trust in Him. 

When you're questioning 'why', remember:

1. God is not the creator of evil and suffering. 

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. - Genesis 1:31

This answers the question we hear all too often: "Why didn't God merely create a world where tragedy and suffering didn't exist?"  HE DID!  Love is the highest value in the universe, and God wanted us to experience love.  But in order to have the ability to experience this, God had to give us free will to decide whether or not to love.  Love always involves a choice.  As humans, we've abused our free will by rejecting God and walking away from Him.  Enter, evil. 

2. Though suffering isn't good, God can use it to accomplish good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

This is God's promise that he will cause good to emerge, not that he causes evil and suffering. If we're committed to following Him, he promises that good will come of every bad and terrible situation.  Think about it, when you're completely encompassed in tragedy, grief, and anger, do you think to yourself, "Hey, it's okay because I know that good will become of this situation.  I know I will better because I have experienced this pain." The answer 90% of the time is no.  Of course you don't. You are so terribly hurt and are grieving that you do not see outside of that particular situation - sometimes for years to come. But God does - He knows that experiencing what you did will cause you to become better because of it, if not only stronger to deal with the next wave of suffering. 

3. The day is coming when suffering will cease and God will judge evil.

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9

The Bible says that the story of this world is not over yet.  The day will come when sickness and pain will be eradicated and people will be held accountable for the evil they've committed.  (and here comes my all-time favorite sentence...) Justice will be served in a perfect way.  That day will come, but not yet.  Why? Well, God is waiting for US. He is holding out that more will come to follow His will and spend eternity in Heaven.  We are still a work in progress, people!  This also reminds us that life is short and is very fragile.  We've all seen it! We have got to have faith and live our lives even amongst the pain and suffering.  You never know when your last day will be your last.

4. Our suffering will pale in comparison to what God has in store for his followers.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. - 2 Corinthians 4:17

Now, that's pretty heavy.  But when you put your bad days into context, they aren't worth comparing with the 'eternity of blessings and joy' you are to experience. God promises a time with no more tears, no more heartache, no more agony when we will be reunited with God in perfect harmony, forever. 

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. - 1 Corinthians 4:9

5. We decide whether to turn bitter or turn to God for peace and courage.

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. But be courageous! I have conquered the world. - John 16:33

I've personally seen the same (or near similar) set of circumstances cause one person to reject God and become bitter and another to turn to God and become more gentle and loving.  That's right, we get to decide. Are you going to let what is currently happening momentarily in your life fill your heart with hatred and turn away from God?  Or are you going to allow it to fill your heart with peace and comfort knowing that it was God's will to be done?  Again, you get to decide. 

God offers us two things we need when we're hurting: peace to deal with our present and courage to deal with our future. Check out this excerpt:

Through His own suffering and death, He has deprived this world of its ultimate power over you. Suffering doesn’t have the last word anymore. Death doesn’t have the last word anymore. God has the last word!

How amazing! That definitely lifts my spirit when I'm in a dark place. Suffering is a personal problem; it demands a personal response.  My response is that you've got to have faith.  Salvation comes from knowing Christ personally and receiving His provision for YOUR sin and YOUR future. It comes from making him YOUR Savior, by asking Him to forgive YOUR every sin, and by asking Him to lead YOUR life. 

This post was inspired by and references a message delivered by Lee Strobel at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, Colorado. 

Emotional Disaster

This week has been terrible.    And it's only Wednesday.   Actually, I believe I made that statement yesterday, when it was only Tuesday.     We all know those weeks where it just seems like the world is completely against you.  Well, that's life.  What are we to do?  It's just so...hard.       I received heartbreaking news on Monday afternoon, which I knew was only a matter of time.  More to come on that specific topic later.   My heart cannot handle it right now.     On top of that, the horrific tornado struck in Oklahoma, leaving many families torn apart and desperate for help.  Although I was not personally devastated by the impact, it's everywhere: in the news, social media, talk around the office...  There's no escaping it.  It's tragic, and those affected will need time and prayer to heal their souls.   And the week continues...   Yesterday, Colten received information from his school regarding his financial aid.  We now have to come up with an obscene amount of money in order for his projected graduation/school path to continue as planned.   Thankfully, for this 'problem', I knew where to turn.   But that didn't stop me from having a full blown panic attack.  It came out of nowhere.     And here I sit today, feeling all kinds of defeated and every bit drained from being a total emotional disaster.   My eyes burn.    It's not normal to cry so much. Seriously, I've had to have the lights off in my office for the past few days in order for me to even open my eyes.     But I can't help it.  I'm sad; I'm anxious; I'm stressed; I'm angry; I'm exhausted.   I guess that would sum up being an emotional disaster.   My brain can't even function normally.   I need sleep.     I've been working overtime at work on top of already working two jobs.  Why?  It's excellent money!  And now, since yesterday's news, we're in even more need of as much extra money we can come up with as possible.  And I'm reminded:

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19 

God will provide for my needs.  When I think it can't get worse after being hit with wave after wave of turmoil, I am shown the light.  I for sure thought there was no way we could afford for my husband to finish school as planned, but there is a way, and he will finish as planned.  It is NOW that the overtime at work is being offered - and it's a big deal, as it doesn't happen very often at all.  It is NOW that we are able to get the support that we need from those we love.  It is NOW that God continues to show me that He, once again, provides for what it is that we need in that moment.

He has not and will not fail me.  That doesn't mean there won't be rough days ahead, as I know for a fact there will be ... it's going to be a hard next few weeks, it's guaranteed.  But I'm not alone.  My husband has lifted me up on so many occasions, and I'm ever so thankful for God placing him in my life.  My parents are always there to support us, both of us, in every aspect possible.  They have never and will never turn their backs on us, especially in our time of need.

So, although this is a very hard time in my life, my faith remains strong.  

 

I just might bend, but I won't break.  

There's gonna be BRIGHTER DAYS.

  I know that this, too, shall pass.  But for now, I fear that I will remain an emotional disaster, and I pray that peace is in my near future.      

What a {Rude Awakening}

So, a few days ago I was browsing through a lot of my old pictures and decided to join in on the 'throwback thursday' fad that's been going around on Instagram.  I chose one from our honeymoon over a year ago, because that was such a great time to just spend with my new husband without any of the drama or anyone around to tell us what we need to do or what we were doing wrong.  As many of you know if you've been reading my blog, it was a hard time for me and my family.     But then, I happened upon this picture: 

  The memories came flooding back: fear, blood, burnt metal, the sounds, birds, hysteria, my brother, shattered glass, and quite possibly the worst moment in my entire life - the moment I realized 
I had killed my little brother.       Eight years ago TODAY, I was driving to school with my brother, as I had many mornings before.  We lived in the country, so it was a little drive to get into town.  It was the same route to school that I had taken every morning, so it wasn't any different in that respect, but that morning changed my life forever.       We were crossing a small bridge that was in the middle of a wooded area - a small ravine-type thing is under the bridge...it's not a super-long drop, but it was far enough.  Also, there was no water in it - just sand.  It's hard to explain so just go with it.  So, I was crossing that bridge, and out from the trees flew a buzzard.  Yes, a buzzard.  It was a GIANT buzzard.  I don't know for sure that it was a buzzard, as I'm not a bird expert, but it was a rather large bird.  Regardless, it was coming straight for us.  To be exact, it was coming straight towards the passenger side window, which is where my brother was.  In my mind, I knew that I could not allow it to hit, as it would break the window and quite possibly severely injure my brother and quite possibly myself.  Little did I know how ironic that would be now.     I swerved, towards the later half of the bridge, to avoid hitting the bird, but I also had to swerve the truck in such a way that I would not cause us to land at the bottom of the ravine.  We wouldn't survive that kind of crash.     Keep in mind that all of this happened in about 2 seconds at most.  I felt like it was about half an hour that I had to decide what to do and process what was happening, but it obviously wasn't that long.  I ended up over-correcting, causing the truck to spin and slam into a pipe entrance.  The human brain is an amazing thing, as I do not recall the actual impact, nor do I recall any pain at all on my part, other than the pain in my heart as I regained consciousness after only a few seconds (I assume), looked over to check on my brother, and saw that he was slumped over with his head hanging down and blood coming from his nose and ears - completely not moving.  It was at that moment that my brain went to the obvious: he was dead.  I couldn't bring myself to touch him, but I began screaming his name and begging him to please wake up!  I couldn't believe it was happening ... I knew it had to just be a terrible dream in which I would soon wake up and everything would be okay.  But it was far from a dream.  It was very much real and very scary.    

 

The truck spun so that the impact of the crash was on my brother's side of the truck.  His door was completely crushed in and it was terrible.  The back windshield was completely shattered, and we uprooted several of the posts holding the pipe entrance together.  So many factors played a key role in how the events of that day unfolded, one very important one being that it had recently rained quite a bit, which doesn't happen too often around there.  Therefore, the ground was wet enough for the posts to be uprooted instead of being so dry and them not budging.  It would've been a completely different accident had that happened.  Luckily, God was very much with us that day, and our lives on Earth were not over.  Josh regained consciousness, and my brother was ALIVE.  It was nothing short of a miracle.  Unfortunately, that didn't mean that we would walk away without a scratch or be unharmed at all from the accident.  Since his door was crushed in, I grew frantic as I tried to figure out a way to get him out of the car.  That's all I knew: I had to get him out.  It didn't dawn on me that maybe I should leave him where he is as to not further harm him - I didn't know if he had any injuries or what hurt.  He was in and out of consciousness, so his answers were slurred and not coherent whatsoever.  I just knew that I had to get him out.  That's where my focus went...immediately.  I pulled and pulled, twisted, kicked, did everything in my power to get his door open...and it worked!  I received a large, nasty burn on my arm from this process, but I was able to get the door open enough to get him out of there.  It's amazing what you can do when there's so much adrenaline coursing through your body.  There's no way I would've been able to get that door open otherwise.  It was at that moment that I got the door open that I knew something was still terribly wrong...he just wasn't right.  I carefully got him out of the truck and laid him on the ground, with my backpack as a pillow.  That's when I REALLY saw it - he had a compound fracture to his femur.  I had managed to break the largest and strongest bone in his body.  I hated myself, and did so for a very long time.     I remember that he complained of being terrifyingly cold, so I searched and searched for a blanket.  Normally, I wouldn't have one, but we were scheduled to play a softball game that night, so I had one because I knew it would be cold.   After I had Josh out of the truck and covered as best as I could, I frantically searched for my cell phone, which had been on the console prior to the accident.  It was nowhere to be found.  I looked through so much glass and metal - but I just couldn't find the thing anywhere!  I asked Josh if he knew where his cell phone was prior to the crash.  He never really answered, as he was not completely conscious, as I soon realized, during any of this.  I held up his backpack in his face once when his eyes were open, yelling at him to please listen and if his phone was in the bag.  He said yes, so I ripped through the thing but couldn't find the phone anywhere.  So, neither phone could be found, and the road that this happened on was not a main road with a lot of traffic, so I was totally losing my mind as to how to call for help.  No one was going to find us.     But, someone did drive up, finally, and I ran to the road as fast as I could to ask for a cell phone or for him to call for help.  It was only later that I realized who it was that drove up first on the scene.  A little boy and his grandfather were on their way to school - the same family that attended our church - the same little boy that lost his entire family: mother, father, baby brother in a car accident not long ago.  I'm sure it was horrifying to see another scene such as the one that lost him his entire family.  And I hated myself yet again for the events that unfolded that morning.  I was causing that little boy to relive the most painful memory of his short little life.  I was a terrible person.     The man allowed me to use his cell phone, and it was at that point that I realized I was bleeding - I had no idea where it was coming from or why there was so much.  Nothing hurt.  But the blood was everywhere.  And it wasn't stopping...  I used his phone and called my dad.  Yes, I called my dad first and not 9-1-1.  I told him that I had an accident and that Josh was hurt but that we were both alive.  I explained where we were and he firmly told me that I had to call for help.  I hung up with my dad, and I don't really remember what happened next.  I don't recall calling 911, so I'm pretty sure the man did that for me, as I couldn't exactly pinpoint the name of the road we were on, even though I KNEW which road it was.  My brain was not functioning as it normally did, so it's understandable.  While I was on the phone, someone else drove up and went straight to my brother behind the truck.  He stayed with him and talked with him, keeping him semi-conscious and not allowing him to fully fall asleep, as we were both pretty sure he had a severe concussion.  The next few moments are also unaccounted for.  I don't recall very much time passing between that phone call and help finally arriving.  All I remember about those moments in between was being next to my brother and completely and totally losing my mind.  He was hurt.  Terribly.  I was somehow hurt, somewhere.  What had I done?  Where was the help?  What was taking them so long?  What was I going to do?  Why did I swerve to miss the stupid bird?  Why did I inflict so much pain to someone that I loved so much?  Of course I didn't do it on purpose, but I hated myself.  I was so mad that it wasn't me that was horribly hurt instead of Josh.  I wanted nothing more than to switch places with him, but I couldn't.     Soon thereafter, an ambulance, fire trucks, and police cars arrived on scene.  Finally!  I was forced to leave my brother and tell the officer exactly what happened.  I believe it was at that point that my grandparents arrived, as they didn't live very far away and wanted to - needed to - be there for us.  And for that, I will be forever grateful.  That was also the day that I saw my grandpa cry and show fear.  Living in a small town, everyone knows who you are and who you're related to.  I'm so thankful for that because someone knew that my grandparents were, in fact, my grandparents and knew them/had their phone number to call them.  My grandpa went to talk to EMS that were with my brother to ascertain what his injuries were, and my grandma stayed with me.  After that, I was forced to be seen my EMS to assess my injuries, of which I very rudely yelled at everyone and anyone that I had none - that I was fine and felt fine.  And when I say forced regarding all of this, it's only because I demanded to be allowed to stay with my brother, by his side, while he was taken care of by medical professionals.  I refused to leave his side, but, like I said, I was forced.  I know now, and knew shortly thereafter that it was for the best, but I was so mad that they made me leave him even for a minute.  But, it was apparent that I was injured, somewhere, and that I had already lost a lot of blood.  I felt like I had been running around like a maniac trying to find phones and then flagging down someone for help.  I hadn't realized that my clothes were completely drenched in blood.  I remember finding that pretty gross. But I was still convinced that I was fine and that I didn't have any injuries.  I was wrong.   EMS placed me in a neck brace, telling me not to move my head anymore, and then strapped me down on a stretcher.  I was livid.  I wouldn't leave Josh.  I yelled and screamed at everyone to please take care him first, but there were enough people to look after us both.  Some time passed, just how much, I'm not sure, but then a helicopter landed in the pasture behind the accident.  My brother was being life flighted to Austin.  Realizing that his injuries were so bad that he had to be life flighted, my hatred toward myself only grew.  It grew and grew, and I prayed.  I prayed that Josh would be okay.  I prayed that this would all soon be over and everything could go back to normal.  But normal didn't come.  Not for a long time.     Josh was life flighted to Brackenridge Hospital in Austin.  No one was allowed to ride with my brother in the helicopter, so my dad and grandpa took off for Austin to be there as soon as possible.  I was taken by ambulance to LaGrange Hospital for my injuries.  My grandma rode with us in the ambulance.  That was the LONGEST ride of my life, and my head was killing me.  I repeatedly asked the paramedic to PLEASE (okay, begged is more like it) look at my head and fix the stupid neck brace.  It felt like my hair was being pulled out of my head with such strong force.  And, my begging was not met with results, because he just repeated that we would be at the hospital soon and that I would be okay.  He was not understanding my obvious state of 'not okay' at that time.  But I was being ridiculous, and he was the professional, and I needed to just wait until I was at the hospital to be assessed by yet more doctors.  But it hurt!     My dad was on the scene as soon as possible after I called him.  He called my cousins and they notified my mom of what had happened that morning.  She worked two hours away and was completely unaware.  My mom left work and met me at the hospital in LaGrange, as did many other people.  It was kind of a blur.  I received several stitches to the back of my head and received wound care for the burn on my arm.  That was it.  That was the extent of my injuries.  The burn came from getting Josh out of the truck, and the head wound came from the back windshield shattering.  The glass cut my head open, and apparently, head wounds bleed.  A lot.  Hence, the large amount of blood everywhere.     After knowing that  I was okay, my mom left for Austin to be with my dad and brother.  My cousins took me to their home in LaGrange and took care of me for a few days.  Grossest thing ever?  Hair covered in blood.  My cousin very graciously helped me take a shower and get as much blood out of my hair as possible.  But I asked about my brother for days.  I wanted to see him.  I had to.  My sister drove in from Corpus Christi and stayed at my cousins' house with me.  I was a mess.  I hated myself and I couldn't think of anything but my brother.  Was he okay?  I had to see him!     The accident occurred on the Friday before Spring Break that year, so there was no school that next week.  However, for some stupid, strange reason, I felt the need to go to the softball game that night.  Obviously, not to play, but to talk to my coaches, and I guess I thought seeing the girls would be helpful.  But it wasn't.  I was in pain - my body ached from the whiplash of the impact.  And I assume someone would've called up to the school to inform admin of what happened.  Anyway, we didn't stay long.  Then, we went home to get some clothes.  I also wanted to see where it happened.  I had to.  The truck had been towed away, but everything else was still there.  I could still see it.  I can still see it today, as I'm reliving it again.  I had nightmares for weeks and weeks.     But, after a few days for my body to settle down and my mind to calm down, which was pretty much impossible, I was finally taken to Austin to see my brother.  But, once I got there, I couldn't go into his room.  I knew that I would see him in so much pain and it was all my fault.  I went in, though, told him that I loved him and that I was so very sorry, and I sat on the other bed in the room.  I couldn't touch him or go near him.  I had hurt him enough already.  It turned out that he not only had a compound fracture of his femur, but he also was cut up on the back of his head from the glass, as I was.  He received staples in his head.  He also had a broken finger and a collapsed lung.  What a great sister I was...    He went through surgery for his leg and had a metal rod put in to align the bones back together.  The next few weeks were tough on everyone.  I apologized a bajillion times to every visitor and every family member.  Not only did I hurt my brother and myself that day, but I also hurt everyone that loved and cared for us.  I know that it's every parent's nightmare to receive a phone call like my dad got that day.  But I couldn't talk about what I was feeling or how I felt.  I told myself that it didn't matter - all that mattered was that my brother was okay.  And he would be, in time.  He had a long road ahead of him as far as recovery, and I did everything in my power to be there for him or to just disappear and not be in the way.     In the end, Josh healed and we've talked about it a few times.  He couldn't go by the accident site for several weeks, and it's totally understandable.  He also didn't want to talk about it or know exactly what happened.  I don't blame him. I blamed myself.  I blamed myself for years, apparently.  I was a sophomore in high school and only 16 years old at the time of my accident.  Years later, as a sophomore in college, I experienced more hardship.  I ultimately sought counseling on campus and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD.  That's right, four years after my accident that day, I was still beating myself up about it and holding myself responsible.  And I wouldn't - I couldn't - talk about it to anyone.  But, counseling seemed to help, and my family was there for me no matter what.  They supported me and repeatedly told me that they didn't blame me - at all.  Most importantly, to me, my brother didn't blame me.  Not even for a second.  His response: "Stupid bird".  He not once questioned why I didn't just let the bird hit the truck.  NOT ONCE.     This taught me two very important life lessons:  1 - Life is short and can be taken from any of us at any moment.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow.   2 - Everything happens for a reason.   Wearing our seat belts saved our lives that day!  Today, both my brother and I are alive and healthy.  We did not suffer serious, life-threatening or altering injuries.  I cherish every single moment that I'm blessed to have with every one of my loved ones, as I don't know when their last day will be, or mine.  I know our time on Earth is limited, and I try to live every to its fullest.  Life is too precious and too short to hold petty grudges or to throw your time away.     Everything that happened that day, although tragic and life-changing, had a purpose.  It showed me that life is fragile and so precious.  It opened my eyes to that fragility and to the importance of family.  It's by and through their support that I'm still here today and as sane as possible.  It was meant to be my brother instead of me - I did all that was humanly possible to help my brother that day, getting him out of the truck.  And he is such a strong person to have gone through the pain and suffering of his injuries.  God knew that he was strong enough to get through it and survive.  It's also brought our family closer together.  Not only was I rudely awakened to life's fragility, but my family was as well.  We are closer than ever, and we don't take a single second for granted.     My faith blossomed after my accident.  I was already a follower of Christ, but it became much more than that after that day, eight years ago.  I began attending the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at school and searched longer and deeper for meaning and answers.  I know that we are both alive today because it was not our time to go.  We were meant for much more than we had accomplished prior to that day, and God proved it by saving us.   To my family, I love each and every one of you.  You are all my rock, as you well know already, and without any of you, I would not be the person that  I am today.  I know this is quite a long story, so if you've made it this far, thanks for hangin' in there! :) ♥

 

Because It Still Hurts

Because it still hurts, not only me, but the entire nation, especially with the holidays days away... 

Because it still hurts, it's discussed.  It's talked about and commented on and prayed about by so many people.  

Because the Newtown, Connecticut mass murder on December 14, 2012 STILL HURTS, I can't not talk about it. 

It's everywhere.  It's in the media.  It's at work.  It's brought up by family, friends, & strangers.  It's mentioned in passing to that person you rode in the elevator with.  It's on the news.  It's online.  It's everywhere - because it still hurts.  And there continue to be many unanswered questions, many of which may remain unanswered forever.  It's just hard to say. 

But, on this subject, there have been many beautiful and glorifying tributes to the souls that were lost that day.  There is so much sadness to go around, it's sometimes hard to breathe.  Sadness for the 27 people whose lives were taken for some unknown reason.  Sadness for the families of those victims, both young and old, whom will most likely never be able to think of and experience the holidays the same.  Sadness for the survivors whom are now dealing with survivor's guilt and the trauma of witnessing such a tragedy. 

I don't watch The Voice, because, let's face it, I watch way too much TV already as it is, and I love my shows dearly, which means no room for new ones.  However, I heard about a tribute they did for the victims of the senseless shooting last week and looked for it.  How heartwrenching and truly touching is this! 

It definitely puts into perspective just how many people lost their lives that day, and just how many were young, innocent children.  This also goes to show how much of a big deal the situation is.  Like I said, it's everywhere.  And don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not complaining!  It needs to be broadcast.  It needs to touch the heart and souls of people everywhere!  Mass murders are a problem.  And those poor families... 

My heart goes out to everyone touched in some way or affected by this tragedy. 

And then you read something like this article from the Global Post, about a 6 year-old-girl who survived: 

'A brave six-year-old became the sole survivor of her first grade class at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn. becasue she played dead as shooter Adam Lanza went on his rampage.  According to a pastor close to her family, the unnamed girl lay among the bodies of her 15 classmates until she thought it was safe to leave.  Pastor Jim Solomon told ABC News: "She ran out of the school building covered from head to toe with blood and the first thing she said to her mom was, 'Mommy, I'm OK but all my friends are dead."'

Just imagine what she saw in there.  Whenever she thinks back on her school memories, just imagine what her thoughts are going to be about first grade.  She was so brave and very smart to act as she was already deceased among the bodies of her friends.  The article goes on to say that the girl's family was suffering from survivor's guilt because many of their friends were not as lucky and had lost children in the tragedy.  Friendships frayed.  Tensions rising.  Although it is not the family's fault that their child survived and their friends' children didn't, but as a parent, how could you not be upset at them for being able to cling to their child when yours is dead?  Such a terrible event, of which these families will be facing the aftermath for years and years.  Read the entire article, here. 

I also read in a blog I follow of something her mother told her when she was struggling with her grief of loved ones lost, unexpectedly to a tragedy:

Life on this earth is hard, and the Heavenly Father knows that.  He loves us so much that He doesn't want us to stay here one single second longer than we have to.  When our time is up, He takes us home.  It's hard for the rest of us, but it's a gift of love and peace to those who die.  Just know that as long as you have a pulse, you have a purpose.  Don't take it for granted.

This will be forever burned into my soul and is such an amazing lesson to take away from such a tragedy.  I pray that some questions are able to be answered and that the families affected will be able to rebuild their lives, while grieving for their loved ones.  Prayer does wonders.  Prayer heals.  Please, pray.  Pray for the families of the victims, pray for the survivors, for the children that saw something no human should ever witness.  Pray for the community, that they may continue to band together and help rebuild around such a horrific event.  Pray for the nation, that this tragedy does not cause spontaneous reactions that will have lifelong consequences, but that leaders will make the right decisions in assisting those affected by this tragedy and to figure out where and how to help prevent this in the future, if it's even a possibility.  Pray for humankind, as a race, that we will listen to our friends and family when they reach out to us for support, help, advice, or just a shoulder to lean on - that we will take the few minutes out of our lives to listen and help in any way we can.  Pray for peace - that although their loved were ripped from their lives, that the families of those lost souls will know that their loved ones are at peace with God in His kingdom.  Pray for patience, as the nation grieves.  Pray, because it still hurts. 

Newtown, Connecticut Shooting

Today is another sad day in American history, for lack of a better word. Hmm...here are a few more: senseless, stupid, disaster, selfishness, tragedy, devastation, horrific, terrifying, unnecessary. Need I continue?

And I thought I was having a rough day this morning. Little did anyone know that 26 lives would be taken, 20 of them children under the age of 10, by a monster. For the 13th time this year, a crazed human being has successfully ruined the lives of many families.  View the detailed list here.

This morning, a 20-year-old boy took it upon himself to murder 27 people. Of those, 20 were innocent, naive children who will not be celebrating Christmas with their families. As one young man put it, "Hey you. You. The Ones that left us today. The ones that experienced the worst that humanity can do. You little angels who closed your eyes in a living Hell this morning. I'm so, so very sorry that this world didn't give you a chance. Even though you didn't even have a chance to realize how big the world is, today, the sad end of your lives affected MILLIONS of people. It's probably of little comfort to you at all, but tonight in America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia...everywhere...mommies are holding their kids a little tighter and a little longer. Daddies are listening to their kids and showing them more love. You twenty little souls were set free this morning, and there is nothing good that can be said about that. But because you left, and the way you were taken, millions of kids still here on earth tonight will be shown more love than any other ordinary Friday night. Your short and precious lives had a value and a purpose. Godspeed."

Couldn't have said it better myself. These families have been affected to the bone, to their very core. These families (of all the victims) will never have another traditional and joyous holiday season. These families will be reminded every year at this time of what was ripped from their lives - their loved ones. I pray with all that I am, that the loved ones of the departed are touched by God's healing hand and know that the victims are now at peace in His presence. I pray for their heartache to be lessened to allow them to breathe and to focus on rebuilding their new lives. I pray for humanity - that those who are filled with hatred and the need to place torture upon others will be placed in the path of righteousness and not harm innocent individuals. I pray that, as a nation, we support those affected this year by such tragedies. I pray for healing. I pray for guidance. I pray for God to be implemented back into our society. I pray.

None of what has happened makes sense. It almost doesn't seem real. Is this actually happening?! Yes. It is. Sadly, it is impossible to feel safe anywhere anymore, not even the movie theater or an elementary school. Sadly, there are sick individuals who seek attention and to cause pain and suffering. Sadly, it's not quite as shocking, each time a mass shooting occurs.

And really?! Small children?! I'm angry. I'm angry that the shooter was willing to take his own life and harm so many innocent human beings. I'm angry that this is becoming a norm in our society. And I'm scared. I'm scared for our future as a nation. This definitely draws my heart and soul closer and closer to God. For with Him and through Him, all things are possible. Even the healing process for those whose lives will forever be tainted with the bloodshed of their loved ones. It's possible. My heart is broken tonight, but let the healing begin. As long as it may take.