this is {NOT} a happy post.

So this is exactly how I'm feeling today.       Surprise, surprise.  I'm stressed.  Angry.  Upset.  Mad.  Frustrated.  And just about any other synonym you can think of to match these.   Why?   Because life is hard.  Life isn't fair.     I know this.  But that doesn't mean I can accept it every single day.  Nope.  That means I'm human and that today is 'one of those days'.    I struggle every day.  I try so hard to stay on top of EVERYTHING.  And it still all manages to fly out of control and out of my hands.  Maybe it's just the need for me to be in control?  Maybe.  But today, I just want to break.  Today, I want to go home, change into the comfiest clothes I own, hug my pillow, and cry.     I really try my best to be optimistic.  I know that everyone is different and that good things come to those that wait.  I have complete faith in God that everything will be alright and that 'this too, shall pass'.  But all I want to do right now...right this very second...is cry.  Cry and scream and yell and take out all of my frustrations on something ... maybe a green plastic cup - it seems to be working for her up there!     I don't want to run away from my problems.  I want to face them head on, and I am.  But my problems are bigger than me today.       What about me?  When is it going to be my turn?  When will I be able to make my dreams come true?  When can I have some fun?  Why can't I go on a trip or vacation?  Why is it that no matter how hard we try, budget, plan ... that we're still only barely floating above water?      I work tirelessly and endlessly and think that it will make a difference.  Day after day, week after week, and month after month - it doesn't.    Now this is where everyone is thinking that I should be thankful for what I have and that my time is coming.  I am thankful.  I talk about it here, here, here, here, and here, just for a few examples.  I know. I know these things.    But it still hurts. It's still hard.    It's hard as hell to sit back and watch your friends and family enjoy the opportunities that come their way.  It's hard to know that your time is coming, and you want nothing more than to be happy for them (and I am, honest!), but to still have that sinking feeling like maybe, just maybe, it's not in the cards for you.    It's not jealousy.  I truly am so overwhelmingly happy for my loved ones and every great accomplishment and event in each and every one of their lives.  Truly.  I wish nothing but the best for them all.   

But maybe part of it is that I always put others before myself.  I would much rather be hurting myself than to see a loved one in any form of distress.  I try to do things for myself, but then I feel guilty.  I should be responsible and save the money for what I know we need to be spending it on.  I should save.  I should spend my free time doing 'this' or 'that' for so-and-so because they need me.  Or so I think.  Does anyone wonder or care what I need or want?  Am I a priority to anyone?  Is it that difficult for others to show their love, support, and/or encouragement towards me?  Maybe it is. 

And now, by the end of this post.  I'm numb.

I will continue to work diligently and tirelessly, week after week, because I know it's keeping me together.  I will continue to search for answers, especially in my faith.  I will be better tomorrow, or the next day.  And as always, I will put a smile on my face, showing no sign of anger, hatred, frustration, or negativity. 

I know that I am blessed.  I know that I'm loved.  I know that I have things that others may not have or ever have in their lifetime.  I know life isn't fair.  I know that my time will come. 

I know. 

But today, I especially know that life is hard. 
Happy Wednesday.
*sigh*

{Bag Ban}

I've officially survived my first week of the bag ban.  That's right, the BAG ban.  For those of you that still have the option of 'paper or plastic', let me explain...

On March 1, 2013, the city of Austin passed a city-wide ordinance banning all single-use carryout bags (for that link, be sure to scroll down to article 7). That means: 

NO PAPER OR PLASTIC BAGS.  

Goodbye plastic bags...

I wasn't affected as much as some people.  Or maybe I just don't have that strong of an opinion about it.  I also don't resist THAT kind of change...it's out of our hands and it's here...so just accept it.  Austinites have known about the ban coming for over a year now, so it's not as if they had no idea what would be going on.  Some people have been saving their plastic bags since the first hint of a bag ban.  Some people complain about it at every chance they get.  Some people will cuss about it.  And some people will just accept it and move on with their lives, as there are so many more important things to be focused on.  Me?  Well, I really don't use plastic bags, other than for trash sometimes, so I'm fine with it. 

So, I'm sure you're thinking like most customers that it caught off guard and were un-researched, "So, what do I do?"

Well, that all depends where you're shopping.  At our store, we are offering the following: 

• Pay $1.00 Emergency Fee and use unlimited plastic or paper bags for your order (the money collected is kept by HEB and used to supply free reusable bags every third Saturday of the month)

• Pay $.25 for a plastic reusable bag (these aren't very big...) 

• Purchase a reusable bag: the ones by the register fold up nicely to keep in a back pocket or purse, and they open pretty wide/hold a lot of stuff!  They are also only $1.97.  

• Purchase a reusable bag from our 'reusable bag wall'; prices ranging from $.99 to $5.99.  

Yeah, try explaining those options EVERY.SINGLE.TIME someone does not have a bag or know what to do.  It's exhausting!  I'm definitely grateful that I only work there part-time.  

Then, add all of the disgruntled shoppers.  Please allow me to walk you through a few... 

 One lady was very frustrated with the ban and continued to let everyone and anyone that would listen know... "Yes, because of course those d*mn plastic bags just had a mind of their own...they were alive and flying all over the city.  Of course you just had to do away with them...what other alternative is there?"  Obviously said in the most sarcastic tone EVER.  Ok lady, I get it.  Have a great day!  

Another woman just would NOT drop the subject.  "Well, WHY did they ban all of the bags?  Paper too?  That's outrageous!  It's the stupidest thing to pay a quarter for a PLASTIC reusable bag!!!  But I can still pay an Emergency Fee and still get plastic?  That's just stupid.  What's the f**king point?!"  etc. etc.  My favorite part of her rant, "Well, what did they tell y'all to say about the reason why?  What did they train y'all to respond to customers' questions as to why?"  To which, I replied: "Ma'am, HEB does not support the bag ban, but we can't break the law, so your options are...."  Her face was priceless. 

Last night, HEB was offering free reusable bags (these are the ones that are typically $.25).  Why?  I have no idea.  They told me that they were free for that day, or as long as they would last, and so that was that.  It was so interesting to see customers moan and groan about not being able to have paper or plastic....these same customers also had brought their own reusable bags....but you offer them something free and they pounce all over it!  Even though they had their own bag(s), they refrained from using them and demanded the free bag.  I will never understand the human race. 


But, I'm thankful this week is over (as far as my second job goes) and that I'm off next week for a much needed break!  I'm praying consumers are going to be more accepting over the next week and a half and will realize that the cashiers and store managers are NOT the ones that made the decision to do away with paper and plastic bags.  It's a CITY-WIDE ordinance voted on by Austin's City Council.  Please send your complaints to their office. :)

For more info on this bag ban, including a history of plastic bags in Austin, please check out the Austin Bag Ban website.

Frustrated Blogger? R.I.G.H.T. H.E.R.E.

So, I've come to really love blogging...I mean REALLY love it!  I really don't know who all reads it, if anyone at all, but I really LOVE it!  I love having a place to go to get my feelings and thoughts out there - and I don't have to kill my hands by writing it physically in a journal, and my family and friends have a place to check out what's going on in my life - I really do have sympathy for any future children we may have, as their every cute and silly face and action will be broadcast to the blogging world.  I also have come to learn that I have a way with words - sometimes.  Sometimes, I'm very boring and have nothing interesting or awesome to say or put out there.  But sometimes, I can be pretty clever!  Or interesting at least!  Or, well, I don't know.  I'm just 'me' and that's all I know how to be! 

But with that said, I'm kind of frustrated today.  I follow a few bloggers who have just BLOSSOMED!  I mean, they've met so many cool blogger people and they follow each other and text and have really become friends - and I've seen the whole 'cara box' thing, and I'm totally jealous!  And I just have one word: HOW?!  How do you connect with that many people that you've never known before?  How do you use your BLOG to do that?  Maybe that is just out of my league and I'm just stuck in the dinosaur ages of blogging.  I don't know!  But I'd like to break out of my shell and really connect with other women that are serious about their faith and love to be crazy and random, just like I do!  But I really don't know how to go about that ... how to even start!  Maybe it should be when I have a few hours on my hands to search about it and see what blogger has to offer - more than I use it for now.  I know there are people out there, just your typical woman with internet friends and crafty ideas and husbands and cute children and life problems and wants and needs just like me, right?  I hope so!  I'm determined to *attempt* to figure it out and see where it takes me! 

So, here are my questions to begin this journey, in case any super awesome blossomed bloggers stumble upon this post and read it (and if you're one of those people, please, please, PLEASE help me!):

• Is there a certain feature that I'm just unaware of? 

• Does it have anything to do with 'Google+'?  Because if so, I really need help with that too!  I haven't really had a reason to look into it, so I haven't, obviously. 

• Was it hard for you to do?  I mean, I know it can't just happen overnight, but it seems like there just has to be more people out there like myself who love doing this and want to connect, just like I do!  But how?! 

• Where do you even START?! 

• And once you start, how do you keep it going?!  Well, at first anyway.  I can only imagine that over time, you really do create friendships that you keep up with, but isn't there a certain *awkward* stage to get through? 

• At what point can you really tell if the blogger you're following and trying to get to know is a burn-out blogger that really doesn't want or care for the attention/friendship like you do?

• If I ever figure it out and get it started, I plan to just be honest and kind of stalk people (but not in the super-intense creeper sort of way of course) and learn about them.  But how far is 'too far' in your opinion? 

• Are there any tips or tricks that I'm not asking here that may be good to know? 

• Do I have to pay to get the whole 'look' of today's modern blog to accomplish what I'm seeking?  Or can I stick with my old-fashioned free templates? 

• Are you laughing your butt off at me right now because I seem super desperate and you think I need to just give up right now and move on with my life?  It may be true *okay, okay...it's true*.  But I really want to at least see where this takes me...if anywhere. 

Please bear with me and HELP!  Any, and I mean any, help is greatly appreciated! I'm really serious about getting into this and seeing where it takes me.  Have I mentioned that already?  Oops!  Oh well.  It's true, anyway.  I'm serious.  Seriously.  (I think I watch way too much Grey's Anatomy...seriously.) 

So, there you have it!  I'm a frustrated blogger that doesn't know how to break out of my shell.  Maybe that applies to more than just my blogging life.  Hmm... I think this post just got a lot deeper than I anticipated.  Look out!  Moment of self-awareness and lack of spreading my wings coming on here... .... .... ... aaaaannnddd, it's gone.  I'm just a ...

FRUSTRATED BLOGGER!