Meltdown 101

So it seems that I'm a PRO in Meltdown 101.  As soon as one thing gets to me bad enough for me to really be upset by it and sit down and cry, everything else snowballs in on me and I experience the full extent of my fears, worries, stress, and many other emotions and feelings.  I think a big part of it is stressing due to finals.  It was my first semester taking my law classes so it was quite stressful...however, I did VERY well in every one of those classes, including my Contracts class, so it feels pretty great.  But it seems that today, everything else overshadowed that greatness.

I know it seems stupid and childish, but I've never been very good dealing with my feelings when it comes to REALLY wanting something and realizing it might not become a reality.  Again, as soon as I say what it is, you're very likely to just laugh, but it is what it is!  Colten came home with the idea that he could get me an iPhone.  Yes...there you have it!  A guy he works with (let's just say he's not working just for the money!!) had one laying around because he switched to T-Mobile soon after purchasing the iPhone.  So, there it was...just laying there not being used.  Colten came home with it this morning when he got off of work and pretty much said I could have it.  For those of you who don't truly understand this situation: if I went out and bought it, I would spend nearly $400 if not more.  And here it is, in my possession for NOTHING.  The only thing I would have to pay for would be a case to keep it protected and the monthly $30 data charge.  At first, that seemed like nothing, but the more I thought about it and the more my parents questioned me, I really do understand that $30 may not sound like much, but it does add up quickly!  And I also know that I could save that money and spend it on something to help pay for my dream wedding that will be happening in the not-so-far-off future.  But how can I turn away from a deal like this?  Well, I broke down about never having money that I need/want and still being in school, being totally sick of school, working a part-time job at basically minimum wage, and living in a small apartment that I thought I loved at first but not so much anymore.  Once I became upset about possibly not getting to activate the iPhone to start using, everything else piled up and boy was it crazy!  And this was only about an hour ago.  But once again, my mother saves the day and talks to me about it.  For some reason, just talking to her about something and getting just a little reassurance sure helps tons!  I have no idea where I would be without my mommy! I ♥ her!  So, now I'm feeling better, but I'm still anxiously awaiting the final decision of my parents to tell me whether or not I can activate the phone or if I will be giving it back to Colten to give to the guy at work he got it from.

I really do understand where they are coming from.  Although I'm paying for "most" of my groceries and gas (I've also been paying my AT&T U-verse bill for internet and tv) with my paychecks, there is no way possible for me to pay all of my bills with my previously mentioned part-time basically minimum wage job.  Not with my rent being about $700 each month!  And thinking of all the other things I want and need, it does seem very childish.  But what can I say?! I got my heart set on it and when that happens...it's just not a very good picture!  However, in my defense, I did downgrade my tv service to save about $30 a month and once I move in July, I will be paying $300 less on rent, and I will be splitting my U-verse bill AND my electric bill with Colten.  So, that's a lot of money saved!  Hopefully my parents see it that way too and agree to let me keep the phone :).  We shall see (hopefully soon)!

So, there's Meltdown 101 for today...hopefully for the week!  I don't know if I can take another one this week, but the good news is that after tomorrow at 1pm, I will be done with this semester and will officially have my first semester of law classes under my belt!  I just can't wait to graduate next year and get a job with my degree working with a law office or government agency :).  Sounds exciting...I know!!  Sadly, I will be working all week, but it's money in the bank and more to save towards bills, groceries, gas, and all kinds of other things that must be paid for!

I must say, though, that although I do have meltdowns and feel that things just aren't going my way or whatnot, I do sit back and realize that my life is NOT.THAT.HARD.  I am very lucky and truly blessed compared to all of those that have it way worse.  But when it hits, it hits hard and there's not much one can do or say to calm me down and make me see things from someone else's perspective...