And that's definitely a LOADED sigh. I thought that once the wedding was over and things returned to 'normal', everything would calm down and be okay .... boy was I WRONG!!! I'm more overwhelmed now than I ever have been before! My to-do list shows that well:
Figure out what documents I need to change my name on
Change my name on those documents
Finish writing thank you notes
Write a 5 page paper for my internship
Meeting with my internship supervisor and school supervisor
Work on spreadsheet
Figure out Christmas gifts
Figure out Christmas plans - THAT'S A HEADACHE ALL IN ITSELF
Find a job
Find an apartment to live in next year
Take Ace to the vet
Not sure if I can handle that last one. I'm soooooo stressed out and super worried about everything. Like I said, can I just STOP growing up?! Ugh. I just don't know anymore ... I just want to curl up in a ball and do absolutely nothing for a few days. It seems like all I do is cry anymore. I just want things to normalize and to just CALM DOWN. I think I'll be happy again once I find a job with my degree and we have an apartment that we can afford to live in. THEN I'll be able to breathe. Hopefully. Idk. Maybe I just needed to vent. Or cry!
The internship really is amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better position to be in regarding a school internship position! I couldn't have landed in a better department. The people at Crime Victims Services truly do amazing work, and to be a part of that is astounding! It's also opened my eyes to the bigger picture. Everyone knows that there are the evils of the world out there and that it 'could' happen to you one day...but most of the people we interact with on a daily basis never thought it would be them in the position either! Every victim I've talked to has mentioned 'I never thought I'd have to be doing this and going through this...I don't know what the process is.' And it's my job to ease their minds (as much as possible) and help them understand what we do and how it's done. However, there are still those people who think it happens in an instant, and they don't want to hear that it will take MONTHS until it is all said and done. But then again, we ARE a compensation program ... we don't give the money up front. In all, a GREAT experience for sure!
The wedding plans are going amazingly well. If it weren't for my parents, I'd be lost! They have helped with so much with this wedding ... I will never be able to express to them just how much it means to me to have my special day and dreams come true. I've also never been so excited for anything in my ENTIRE LIFE! I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!! November 12th is just around the corner...with only TWO weekends left to get things done! Luckily, as I mentioned already, my parents are amazing and keep truckin' along with me to get everything accomplished. My mom has been 'nonstop wedding' since a few months ago. It was easy to do a little bit here and there, but as of late, it's eat, sleep, BREATHE wedding. And for that, I am truly blessed and very thankful! And Colten and I are doing better than ever. I truly can't wait to call him my husband. <3
As for school, it's there. :). I graduate in December and will be on to bigger and better things. I can't wait! Come January, I will have graduated and will be a married woman...and life will belong to me again lol. I'm going to have so much time I won't know what to do with it! But everything will work out and be fine.
Until next time ....
I just finished watching "Cyberbully" on ABCFamily. And I couldn't help but react to the movie. Although I haven't personally been victimized by cyberbullies in such a way, I am so thankful for a network like ABCFamily to broadcast a movie that portrays the effects and realities of such things that young adults go through TO the young adults. Like a character said in the movie, "It's like it's not real, and you don't even realize that you're doing it."
There are so many things that young teens and children go through while growing up, and with the world being so much more high tech, the means by which bullying can happen are immense! I'm so glad that this network has upped its level and is bringing awareness to these issues. So many people watch these shows and movies and they can impact their lives in so many ways.
Like I said, I was even effected by the issue in this movie even though the lengths to which something like this had happened to me were minor. It's just nice to know that light is being shed on the situations and people are taking the time and effort to help those whose lives have been damaged by these issues.
Thanks ABCFamily. For making it easier to know that you're not alone in facing these problems or dealing with issues like cyberbullies. And for reaching out to those victims in a way that you have made possible. I love the websites and hotlines that are made available during and at the end of a movie or episode that deals with different issues. You never know how someone will respond to certain situations, but to have that help available is amazing.
Today was a fabulous day! Spent the morning with Colten. I made eggs & coffee and we relaxed watching some missed tv episodes. Then we decided that there's no time like the present to begin our journey down God's path together and deepen our faith! We headed to a Family Christian Store, and I was in Heaven! :) They have everything from t-shirts to jewelry to home decor to church supplies to greeting cards!! We spotted the rosaries (not a huge selection) and I spotted the one I wanted immediately. Purple, shiny, PERFECT! I love it. And Colten found a very cool and modern black one...totally him! He was so excited, which made me very happy!! We also spotted a clearance section and each picked out a keychain that we immediately put on our keys. Colten also really wanted a necklace. I was sad I couldn't afford a pricey one he really wanted, but he settled for a small cross-inside-a-cross pendant and chain that he grew to love. And he's worn it ever since, which it's only been a day, but that's something!! I definitely know where to go for Christian items in the future.
After work, I printed out a "How to Pray the Rosary" for Colten to follow along and for me to refresh my memory! Then, we sat down together, turned the tv off, and prayed the rosary. It was amazing. I never realized that Colten really does have a strong faith, and he's finally letting it show and be proud of it! I really see a very bright future for the two of us and our faith. We plan to pray the rosary on a daily basis. And if we don't have time together, then we will pray it separately, but it will still get done. I really do think this will help bring us even closer together, especially spiritually. I am so grateful for what Engaged Encounter opened our eyes to. <3 Love my life! <3
Our new rosaries! We love them :).
Although I am super excited for this opportunity to begin, I'm also very worried. The internship is unpaid (which I'm fine with, because in this economy, experience trumps the pay right now). I didn't hesitate when I was offered the position. However, this means that I won't be able to work as much at my current job. I will have two part-time jobs, but the one I will be paid for will be working less. I know that this is an amazing opportunity, but I will suffer financially. I know I will be okay, and I know that student loans will get me through, but I still don't like it. But the important thing is that I accept it. Taking this internship means getting a foot in the door and starting on my journey as a paralegal!! And I couldn't be more excited to do that! This is my opportunity to really learn what it's like behind those doors. I've been preparing for this for at least two years now, and it's finally here. And I know that I need this to get a job and earn a good paycheck to pay back those student loans. Oh, the life of a college student! lol. Everything will be fine in the long run, but that doesn't mean that I can't be a little uneasy about money .... who isn't? Oh yeah, the ones who have it made! But I love my life and where I'm at ... and I love the path that God is leading me down. He knows what I can do and has my future all planned out for me. And I love knowing that! :)
I'm so blessed with where my life is and for the people in my life. I know that I am supported through everything and that my family and friends are behind me no matter what. I may have bouts of nervousness and uneasiness, but I get through those and everything turns out fine. I just have to keep my faith in Him and know that He is in charge of my future. He has gotten me through everything so far and I am a better person for having been through all that I have.
The way it worked was this:
One of the host couples would give a "talk" on the topic at hand. We had all of the topics and papers in a notebook so that we knew what was coming, and afterwards, we had a list of questions to answer. After their talk of the topic and how it related to their relationship with each other, one person from each couple would go to our "dialogue" room, where he or she would answer the questions honestly and completely about their relationship with their fiance. After 15 or 20 minutes, the host couple would let the other person join their fiance and discuss what each other had written. It's kind of hard to explain, but I think you get the gist of it! Anyway, the first night we did about 2 or 3 talks. And we really got a lot out of it right off the bat. Colten is not fond of always saying how he feels, so having him write it down and me read it was emotional ... and I cried during every dialogue that night. However, the time they let us write got shorter sometimes, and we couldn't always answer ALL of the questions, so we discussed a lot of them together, which worked out nicely.
Saturday was more talks and more dialogue. The topics ranged from open communication, to unity, to intimacy, to the sacrament of marriage ... and on and on. But I must admit, it got tedious to write on EVERY topic and try to get everything in that we wanted to say. And boy was I emotionally drained by Saturday night. But the host couples had planned a romantic dinner for all of the couples and it was very nice to be able to just relax and enjoy our food and company of the other couples (it was three couples to a table). After that meal, we were to go to the chapel for a prayer service. Once we all arrived, we were instructed to grab one candle per couple and sit in chairs facing our fiance. The lights were out, and there was soft music playing in the background. They came around and lit our candles, explaining that the flame was like our love. It was very romantic and emotional. They had us hold the candle in both of our hands and look each other in the eyes while they talked how "these are the hands that will hold you forever ... these are the hands that will wipe your tears away ...." and so on. I was definitely affected and was crying, but they were tears of happiness, knowing that everything the host couples were saying was true about our relationship and love for each other. When it was the guys' turn to hold our hands and look at us, Colten even got choked up! I saw him wipe away a tear or two, but he apologized for it later. I told him he was out of his mind if he thought he had to apologize. I was grateful that it had hit him emotionally too!!! I don't expect or want him to cry about things, but to know that he feels that deeply towards me is amazing :).
Sunday we had a few more talks and then went to mass in an all-cedar built church! It was breathtaking!! Everything at the Spiritual Renewal Center was made of cedar ... to the chairs, the cabins, the bunk beds, the church ... it was definitely something to experience. After mass, we ate lunch and then received our certificates and a crucifix that Father had blessed during mass. It's gorgeous!
Throughout our talks and discussions with each other about every aspect that married life is going to bring us, Colten and I made some important and hard decisions, but we both agreed on them and look forward to holding true to what we decided. It brought us so much closer to be able to write our feelings down for the other to read in private. It was so good to know what he is feeling and thinking on different and difficult subjects. In all, we grew so much closer together and we learned a lot more about each other. And we decided to definitely make God a bigger part of our lives. If it wasn't for Him, we wouldn't be where we are today and we surely wouldn't be together. It's so easy to be negative about things and not see the good things that we have, but this weekend definitely opened our eyes to God even more and see how truly blessed we are to have such a deep love for each other.
We are excited to marry in the church and include God and our families in our union. We have also come up with a few ways to make a conscious effort to include God in our everyday lives. At first, I thought Colten would be reluctant to it, but he quickly agreed. He says he is currently a twice-a-year church goer, but wants to change that. He beliefs of religion and God are there, and he is looking forward to learning more about the Catholic faith and including it in our lives together. He will be converting to Catholicism after we are married and before we have children down the road. And he has also agreed to raise our children in the Catholic church, which is very important to me. Without God in my life, I would be lost. He has brought me to many decisions and realizations that I owe Him everything ... so I know I must let Him guide me and walk down the path He has chosen for me, which I must admit, is an amazing journey! I am in such a great place in my life with school, work, internships, love ... how can I NOT be grateful?! I'm crazy happy in love and I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't wait to begin our new-found outlook on our relationship with Colten and God. Bring it on! :)
Yesterday was a great day! I finally felt so much better and most of my symptoms had subsided, with the occasional pain here and there. Today is pretty good so far too, but I've also been doing nothing but laying around my parents' house while they're at a family reunion :). So, now that I'm finally getting rid of the horrible stomach pains (where it feels as if my intestines were wrestling with each other), I discover that I started my period for this month. Yippee *rolls eyes*. But, as my mother said, at least I didn't have to deal with this kind of stomach pain on top of the other pain I had been dealing with. So true! But still not fun :(.
However, I am truly thankful for answers to my "medical mystery"! And for antibiotics! So far, so good. We'll see how the rest of the week goes to determine whether it's gone or not! I still can't eat completely normal meals like I used to, but maybe in time that will come.
Then there's the people that TRULY believe their words and beliefs inspire people all over the world. They don't. Stop acting like there aren't millions of other people, some more important than you, that just don't care what you do every second of the day.
The human race really disappoints me ... on a daily basis. You can try to help them and try to explain to them just what they're doing, because let's face it, they really don't know ... or don't care. It's pretty much pointless, though. I know that I'm wasting my time with this rant about these types of people, but it's been LONG overdue and just boiling my blood lately .... so there it is.
GROW UP. MOVE ON. AND REALIZE THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU.
I decided to try out the bareMinerals makeup line! It's supposed to cover rosacea and not "cake" up like so many makeups do....so I have high expectations to say the least. I know I have a while until the wedding, but I won't be having my makeup professionally done that day, for one, because I'm getting married in Schulenburg and there isn't a service like that around there, and for two, if I would try to get someone to professionally do it there, it would cost an arm and a leg ... and I'm quite fond of my limbs :).
I bought the starter kit, which includes three brushes, two shades of foundation, a mineral veil, and "warmth". I'll be trying it out today for work, and if all goes well, I may be investing in "beyond the basics" and go with their eyeshadows and blushes :). You never know! It's definitely a more expensive makeup, but if it works as well as I'm hoping and have been told, then it's definitely WORTH the money. Especially after I've fought with trying to find a really good makeup for what seems like forever.
With the media and celebrities playing such an important and significant role in people's lives (trying to be like them, copy them, looks, actions, etc), it's no wonder that more and more "couples" think it's okay to have children together without being married. Here's the list of of 25 stars who had kids out of WEDLOCK:
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Brad Pitt
3. Brooke Burke
4. David Letterman
6. Eddie Vedder
7. Goldie Hawn
8. Halle Berry
9. Isla Fisher
10. Jaime Pressly
11. Johnny Knoxville
12. Katie Holmes
13. Kimora Lee Simmons
14. Kourtney Kardashian
15. Lance Armstrong
16. Liev Schreiber
17. Mark Wahlberg
18. Matthew McConaughey
19. Michelle Williams
20. Naomi Watts
21. Owen Wilson
22. Salma Hayek
24. Tobey Maguire
25. Tom Cruise
She talks of how life is a struggle and there's always going to be obstacles in the way of your dreams ... which is so true. Having been through a lot of them, I know first hand. Life is hard. And no one said it was going to be easy! But all too often we go through life trying to speed through the hard stuff and the maybe-not-so-fun stuff ... like school and work. But, like the song says, it's not about what's waiting on the other side ... it's the climb that matters. Going through life to reach that main goal at the end (be it married with children, a certain career, a rock star, whatever), we often overlook the people and the obstacles that we are faced with to reach that goal. Some of the people I've met these past few years have changed my life! And some of the people changing my life are those that have been with me for such a long time. You just never know. God has His plan for all of us, and he puts the people in our lives for a reason ... it's up to you whether you want to take advantage of that or not. Days go by so fast and everyone is so busy trying to rush through them to maybe "get to the weekend", but there are five other days in the week that God is doing his thing and touching so many people's lives ... we need to slow down to look at His work and to appreciate it. And enjoy it while it lasts. Take advantage of every moment you are given, whether it be with those you love, alone, or in the face of adversity ... at least you HAVE that moment. There are many people out there whose lives are cut short by disease and at the hands of other people. Be thankful that you are here today and are able to take one step closer to your dream.
The hard times of life are the times that build your character and make you who you are in the long run. Without adversity, life would be handed to you on a silver platter. And what would that get you? Happiness? Are you sure? For me, having to get through the struggles and hard times is so important. Once I get through them, I'm able to look back at them and see how much of a better person I am for having faced the toughness and getting through it. Not giving up. Not folding in and turning to someone else to fix it for you. It's stepping up and doing it yourself. Yes, there are people that will help you and guide you or give advice ... I sure couldn't have made it through some stuff without the support I've been given, but it's still YOU that does the job. And who knows? Maybe you need to get through the battles in life to help someone else overcome their battles :). Maybe you could be the one that someone else needs and the one that helps change their life for the better and makes them a better person. Just keep that in mind! What comes around, goes around.
But, I really do like this song! Sometimes when I'm feeling down or alone or just in "one of those moods" where nothing is really wrong, but it's not right either .... I take a second and see all that I have been blessed with. And this song is one of a few that I've found to help me see and understand the BIG PICTURE. Take a moment to listen to it and just see if you feel the same way. I hope you like it!
My favorite lyrics:
Having been through my share of ups and downs, I have turned to prayer for many things. And look where I am today! God has His plan for me and never puts me in a situation I cannot handle. It may be frustrating at times and so easy to just give up, but I pray. I pray that I will find my strength He has instilled within me and will make it through. I pray.
It's also super important to pray not only in times of turmoil and strife, but also those times in life when things are falling in place and going your way! When this happens for me, I pray. I pray to God and thank Him for all that he has blessed me with. I pray for the continuance of this blessing. I also pray that others may find the path to God and are able to be touched by Him in the way that I have. Without Him, I am nothing!
No matter what is happening or what I am doing, I pray. The power of prayer is so significant, but it is often overlooked. Slow down. Take a few minutes to reflect upon what the Lord has blessed you with, including the important people in your life. Take a few minutes...and pray.
Tonight I pray that those who are struggling in any way find the strength to stand up and trust in Him to get through it. Tonight I pray that He continues to guide me down the path that is my life and instills His strength in me. Tonight I pray for good health of my family. Tonight. I thank God for having given me another day to live, to dream, to hope, and to plan my future with my love. Tonight I thank Him. For everything!
The power of prayer.
It's so significant. Do not overlook it anymore. I know I don't.
As for school, it's going pretty well so far. It seems like it's going to be a little less stressful than last semester, but that's good considering I'll be super busy planning my wedding while attending these classes! It's only been the first week, but so far so good! Fingers crossed it stays that way throughout the semester! Anyway, that's all the update I have so far! :)
Right now, I'm just enjoying some time off from school as the winter break comes to a screeching halt in less than two weeks. Wasn't it just finals week before Christmas?!?! Nope. Not so much. So much has happened since that week that I am truly thankful for! For one, I did pretty awesome in my classes last fall, and for that, I feel GREAT! Then I was able to spend Christmas with my fiance and both of our families. I absolutely love Christmas, so being able to spend it with lots of love and LOTS of food just put the icing on the cake! Then it was New Year's already!!
I have also gotten the ball rolling with the wedding planning. I made decisions about my wedding cake (eeeek!) and am good with that until we have the guest list completely finalized. I really don't want to end up with 500 servings of cake leftover! :) I am *hopefully* about to book our wedding photographer ... just have to make sure that it's what we want with the package we pick because it's a 50% deposit to book her! But I've gotten a lot of good feedback on past weddings she's done, so I'm excited! Then it was on to invitations ... and boy are they EXPENSIVE! After researching some online, I thought maybe it would be doable to do them ourselves. My brother is BADASS with his art program on his computer, so maybe he will help me come up with something and we can just get them printed instead of ordering from a company. *FINGERS CROSSED!*
Between doing all of that, I have been on a nonstop reading binge! I.ABSOLUTELY.LOVE.MY.NOOKcolor!!!!!!!!!!!! It's awesome! I knew I would enjoy it and use it from time to time, but once I got it and used my gift card to purchase some books ... I was hooked! It's amazing, and I love how easy it is to use. I can take it pretty much anywhere and I get my fill of reading! :) Best Christmas present ever! Thanks mom and dad!!! ♥
So, that's pretty much what's been going on. 2011 is apparently the year of change, and I'm ready for those changes! Colten graduates this summer, we get MARRIED in November, and I graduate at the end of the year! There's no turning back ... ready, set, GO!