It's been a rough week. I don't know what it was exactly about it, but it's one that's been honestly painful, in more ways than one.
Do you ever just have one of those weeks where although nothing is actually wrong, you just can't shake not feeling 'right' or yourself? That was me. ALL.WEEK.LONG. I felt awful for a few days, and by awful, I mean completely awful, not wanting to move or breathe or do much of anything. And all of this at the same time as I'm feeling completely sorry for myself for having to work two jobs and feel as if life is completely passing me by and that I can't grab ahold of it fast enough.
I NEED A VACATION.
And on top of ALL of that, my absolute all-time favorite blogger announced this week that she will no longer be blogging as 'full-time' as she has been, which is 100% understandable but has left me in quite a fragile state in which I don't know what to do about... I'm still waiting for her to break the news that she's moving to Texas - we'd be the best BFF's ever...for real! But I'm honestly glad that we've become friends through this blog world and I'm glad she's sticking around, if even for only a few posts a month. She knows I'll be reading!
The part that really gets me about myself this week is that it's actually been a GREAT week! I, in no way, should be feeling this way at all.
+ we did our taxes this week and learned we will be getting money back - hooray!
+ Colten and I both received things we've been dreaming of for a while now (more on those to come later), which neither of us could have predicted earlier in the week.
+ Monday was a holiday, so the work week was already shortened.
+ I saw my sister several times this week. Maybe we're just sharing this feeling too - a feeling of 'blah' and emptiness.
Normally if these things were to happen, I'd be completely giddy and super happy, as for me, it's all about the little things. I need to shoo away the black cloud looming over me. I don't know how I'll do it, but I know it will get done. I know this is a phase that I will get through and that nothing is really wrong...it's just been a weird week. A week I'm ready to put behind me and move on from.
People have been asking:
Are you sad? - no.
What's wrong? - nothing.
Seriously, what's wrong? - I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? - I don't know.
What's WRONG?! - nothing.
I've tried all of the usual suspects in trying to feel better:
- ice cream
- my husband
- mindless television
- our adorable puppy
None of it's working! I'm praying that this weekend will be the rejuvenation I've needed lately and that next week will be the best ever! I'm chalking it up to hormones and that I just needed a period of time to myself in order to just be and not stress or obsess over other people and other people's problems. A time to just be ME and be okay with doing absolutely nothing. That's okay, sometimes. It can be good for the soul, right? Not every day is a good day and not every week is happy and joyful. I know this will pass and is temporary, but until then, I'm going to allow myself to be okay with nothing as my response. Is it okay that I'm okay with this feeling for a little while?