But maybe part of it is that I always put others before myself. I would much rather be hurting myself than to see a loved one in any form of distress. I try to do things for myself, but then I feel guilty. I should be responsible and save the money for what I know we need to be spending it on. I should save. I should spend my free time doing 'this' or 'that' for so-and-so because they need me. Or so I think. Does anyone wonder or care what I need or want? Am I a priority to anyone? Is it that difficult for others to show their love, support, and/or encouragement towards me? Maybe it is.
And now, by the end of this post. I'm numb.
I will continue to work diligently and tirelessly, week after week, because I know it's keeping me together. I will continue to search for answers, especially in my faith. I will be better tomorrow, or the next day. And as always, I will put a smile on my face, showing no sign of anger, hatred, frustration, or negativity.
I know that I am blessed. I know that I'm loved. I know that I have things that others may not have or ever have in their lifetime. I know life isn't fair. I know that my time will come.
But today, I especially know that life is hard.